"I took my car to a garage. The mechanic said my radiator is bust. I don't believe him cos I had to pay. I'm looking for a free mechanic."
Okay, we'll come clean. We've never read that on someone's blog cos it would be pretty dumb.
So... what did we read? Well, on at least 6 different blogs we have read the following conversation.
Tradpub "Self-pubbed books are shit. They don't get edited."
Selfpubber "My book got edited."
Tradpub. "Yes, but editing doesn't count if you pay for it."
What The Fuck!
How does this even make sense?
First - all editors get paid. The difference is that traditional publishers pay the editors, not the authors. But they still get paid.
So what Mr Tradpub is saying is that if the author pays the editor then it invalidates the editing. On our next book we shall ask My Mum to pay the editing bill. This means the author won't be paying, and the editing will automatically be better, right?
Seriously, are you a nutcase?
Second - why would a freelance editor lie?
Let us say we pay $350 to get Invictus edited. That is $350 we really can't afford. That's like kiddies shoes money, the hundreds of kids here will be going to school barefoot. Okay, maybe not, but we don't have $350 spare in a drawer or something.
So the editor LIES (you know, simply because we paid) and we sort things that didn't need it, and don't sort things that do. So Invictus goes on sale, and reader comments roll in. Things like "This is shit," and "This wasn't edited."
Oh well, Scathach thinks, it doesn't matter. Except it really fucking does. Cos we don't have $350 to piss into the wind. We are angry (think wild horses angry) and we want that editor-pimp-bitch-ass-idiot to pay!
So we tweet.
And we blog.
And we facebook.
And we go to every comment thread on every forum, and we apologise to every pissed off reader who wasted their money buying our trash. And we tell them it will get re-edited, properly this time. And it will get re-released (it's an e-book, so, you know, we can do that).
And we give all our pissed off readers Smashword vouchers to get the newly edited copy for free. Because sometimes we are nice. Usually on Tuesdays. Here at Scathach, we like Tuesdays. Tuesdays are awesome.
Indie authors have this kick ass community, like a herd. We're doing this ALONE and that makes it shit scary as well as lonely. So we huddle together with all the other loners. And we congregate on places (like the Konrath blog).
And that community gets wind of the shit we here at Scathach have just been dragged through. People like the fantastic Zoe Winters (so what if we're kissing ass?) start blogging and tweeting and facebooking. She's up the rung from where we are. More people notice.
At some point the great Indie God Konrath notices. And blogs, tweets, facebooks. And the little editor who screwed us over will never work in this town again.
Except that by this town we mean the whole fucking world.
Oh, but of course, it's not that they LIED it's that they are INCOMPETENT. Except that the editors employed by publishers are being laid off, and some of them are going freelance, and some of us are hiring them. But they are still crap editors, because you can only edit if a publishing company foots the bill.
I'm sorry but, once again, I must ask...
What the Fuck?
More things we've read we don't understand coming soon...